Lonna Workman..
is a freelance journalist whose work is published in national, regional, and local newspapers. This is her third column. She is currently penning her first novel.
Archives - 2005
Kiss Convenience Good-Bye!
Confessional Palates
Victorian Vapors
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Kitchen Tales
by Lonna Workman |
Murder on the Brain
Whatever would Agatha Christie advise?
Here I am facing a particularly tough week ahead of me and already my constitution is overcome by a chronic case of the Victorian vapors.
Yes… the vapors.
I admit…the symptoms are a bit different than they used to be.
I'm not in danger of fainting; however….the ever lurking threat of mild hysteria accompanied by a real sense of freaking out over meaningless details remains a distinct possibility.
You know how it is.
Like countless others before me, I have been pushed a little too far …by too many individuals ...just a little too often lately.
And since my sensibilities are always to be polite……murder is on the brain.
Am I really alone in this affliction?
I don't think so. Agatha Christie wrote several novels about the trials and tribulations of village life. All too often, the character's only solution to his or her little problem was to commit a quiet little murder.
Well! By sheer coincidence, I happen to live in a Village of sorts. And as it also happens, I too have some little problems that don't appear to be going away by applying kindness and consideration to the situation. So, it makes perfect sense to me that I'm now entertaining violent little thoughts about certain intrusive people.
I feel totally justified.
While I have never been a woman who's enjoyed the great privilege of suffering from that popular malady better known as, "delusions of grandeur, " do people honestly believe that they can continuously intrude upon their friends and neighbors without so much as a backwards glance, without eventually provoking someone's anger and wrath?
I don't think so.
As an immediate solution to my own problems, I've taken to "channeling" my "negative energy" into my daily work in the kitchen, where I am comfortably surrounded with various knives at my disposal.
This is necessary in case I develop a sudden urge to… chop.
So, apart from murder….what other cures exist for those of us suffering from a chronic case of the vapors? Personally, I think Agatha Christie tried to tell us.
All too often in her novels, tea was often the remedy dispensed by Victorian housewives to control the vapors and other maladies afflicting society in their day.
I think that was a "plant," which is better known as a "clue."
And since I greatly admire the woman, I dug out my teapot and have decided to give her solution a go.
I went to the store and purchased all the British sounding teas. The result? My pantry is now stocked with its share of Earl Grey, Lady Earl Grey, and English Breakfast Tea. I have also dug out my stainless steel tea ball for future experiments involving ginger and citrus.
So, remember…..if you are knowingly intruding upon your friends, family, and neighbors….think twice before you do it again. Some of us suffering from the Victorian vapors may have run out of tea.
Ciao.
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Items of Interest....
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On the trip home | | In the summer, put perishable items inside the air-conditioned car -- not in the trunk. Don't make unneccesary stops on the way home from the grocery. If you live farther away than 30 minutes, place perishables in a cooler with ice. Unload perishable foods from the car first and immediately refrigerate them. Place securely wrapped packages of raw meat, poultry, or fish in the meat drawer or coldest section of your refrigerator. |
Protecting Your Family
Build your own first aid kit!
The Heimlich Maneuver
First Aid
9 1 1 -
Poison
Cuts -
Burns - Bleeding
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