Zoom (11 August 2006)
directed by Peter Hewitt
starring Tim Allen, Courtney Cox, Chevy Chase, Spencer Breslin, Kevin Zegers, Kate Mara, Michael Cassidy, Ryan Newman, Rip Torn, Ridge Canipe, David L. Lander, Lauren Sanchez, Willie Garson, Tommy Chang
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MPAA rating: Studio: Revolution Studios, Team Todd, Underground Films Script: Adam Rifkin, David Berenbaum Music: Christphe Beck Running time: 83 minutes Tags: Adventure; Comedy; gamma radiation; Science Fiction; superheroes; uniforms Tactical strength: [2/10]
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for brief rude humor, language and mild action
I don't think that I have ever seen a movie that tried harder than Zoom only to fall flat on its face. It wants to make you laugh. It wants you to have fun. It wants you to like the characters. It wants to do a lot of things, but it just can't muster up enough energy to do any of these things.
First, the backstory. The U.S. government collected a group of teenagers and irradiated them with gamma-13 to create superteens. Unfortunately, Concussion took too much gamma-13, turned evil, and in a suicide attack killed all the rest of the team except his brother Captain Zoom. The movie gives us the backstory as a narrated series of comic book illustrations.
Jump to present day action. The U.S. government has detected that Concussion still lives and will return in two weeks. General Larraby (Rip Torn) authorizes the creation of another teen force to combat Concussion (Kevin Zegers). The general also conscripts the original Captain Zoom, Jack Shepard (Tim Allen), to train the new teen force. The government collects a series of teens, brings them to Area 52, has try-outs, and selects the four most promising: seventeen-year-old invisible boy Dylan (Michael Cassidy), sixteen-year-old telekenetic Summer (Kate Mara), twelve-year old expanding boy Tucker (Spercer Breslin), and six-year-old super strength Cindy (Ryan Newman). Although the general can still conscript people, he does hold off irradiating the kids, since they do show some natural abilities and political correctness and environmental friendliness would have us shudder at the thought of radiation. Jack shows reluctance at training a team at all, believing that the new team can only meet the same fate as his original team. Jack realizes his team lacked a sense of family, has a change of heart, and takes up training the new kids in earnest.
Oh, the problems with Zoom. The writing just sucks. I have seen Tim Allen and Chevy Chase deliver very funny lines in other movies. In Zoom these two give their lines almost no effort, and the awful lines fall flat. Even scenes that should tug at our heartstrings just fail. At one point Cindy has bad dreams and asks to sleep on Jack's couch. She uses her sad-puppy eyes, and Jack consents. Cindy uses her super strength to pull the couch (previously bolted to the wall) over next to Jack's bed. This scene should have warmed hearts. Instead, it has the warmth of the concrete bunker in which the characters live. The movie tries to make Cindy cute, but she just comes off as a bratty girl with super strength and a preference for pink princess outfits. The same thing happens with the other characters -- we just don't have any emotional connection. And, Zoom exhibits one of my biggest pet peeves: casting twenty-somethings as teenagers. During shooting, both Kate Mara and Michael Cassidy were twenty-two years old, and they play characters sixteen and seventeen years old respectively. I also have to mention the fat suit on Spencer Breslin. Yeah, he's supposed to be the fat kid that can expand his body parts to enormous size, but for his role he has to wear a padded suit that makes him waddle around like he can barely keep his balance.
Instead of original compositions, most of the soundtrack incorporates previously released music from Smash Mouth. I like Smash Mouth, and I don't blame them for making a quick buck or two by licensing their older music. But now whenever I hear some of their songs, I will associate the music with the little movie that couldn't.
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